Aylmer to Zazzoo and Beyond

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones - Review

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones
(2013 - August 21)
Action | Adventure | Drama
2 hr 10 min

Rated: PG-13 Intense sequences of fantasy violence and action, and some suggestive content. Read more
Grade: C-

Director: Harald Zwart
Writers: Jessica Postigo (screenplay), Cassandra Clare (based on the novel by)
Stars: Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Jemima West | See full cast and crew

Set in contemporary New York City, a seemingly ordinary teenager, Clary Fray (Lily Collins), discovers she is the descendant of a line of Shadowhunters, a secret cadre of young half-angel warriors locked in an ancient battle to protect our world from demons. After the disappearance of her mother (Lena Headey), Clary must join forces with a group of Shadowhunters, who introduce her to a dangerous alternate New York called Downworld, filled with demons, warlocks, vampires, werewolves and other deadly creatures. Based on the worldwide best-selling book series.Written by Sony Pictures Entertainment

This film has it all...a bit of The Twilight Saga, Dr. Who, Beautiful Creatures, Harry Potter, Star Wars, and The Host. It has a little something for everyone, the Twilight love triangle, vampires including some gay ones, werewolves even biker werewolves, demons, warlocks, leather fetish and cross-dressing warlocks at that and then there is something a little different called Shadowhunters (the main one, Jace, kept reminding me of Ken Osmond aka Leave It To Beaver's Eddie Haskell). It's a movie full of high cheek bones

There are way too many characters, it creates a buckshot effect. Nothing about this film is really awful but nothing about it is awesome either. I have to assume that those who are big fans of the very popular best-seller books by Cassandra Clare are going to be disappointed.

Remember The Host, how silly turned out to be? Well, although The Mortal Instruments: City Of Bones plays for laughs at times, it turns out to be pretty silly during its so called serious moments as well.

There are a few pluses, however, this film is actually teen friendly. It is not an R rated film targeted at teens or a PG-13 film intended for a teen audience that is riddled with profanity, sex and nudity. One need not be too concerned about the kids who read and liked the book seeing the movie. Its romance story doesn't get raunchy. The special effects are nothing to write home about but are pretty standard for these days. This is part of the reason I didn't give the film a D+. I tend to reward standards.

Cast

Lily Collins Jamie Campbell Bower Robert Sheehan

Clary Jace Simon

Jared Harris Jemima West Kevin Zegers

Hodge Isabelle Alec

Lena Headey Jonathan Rhys Meyers Aidan Turner

Jocelyn Valentine Luke

Friday, August 9, 2013

We're The Millers
(2013 - August 7)
Comedy | Crime
1 hr. 50 min.
Rated: R This is a "Hard R" trashy comedy, with extremely crude sexual content with graphic sexual references and repetitive jokes centered on genitalia and sex acts; sexually charged scenes, raunchy conversations; half naked women and brief graphic nudity; pervasive language, expect lots of swearing ("f--k," "s--t," and much, much more); The entire plot is based on sexual perversions and the humor of drug smuggling.
Grade: D-
Director: Rawson Marshall Thurber
Writers: Bob Fisher (screenplay), Steve Faber (screenplay), 4 more credits
Stars: Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudeikis, Emma Roberts | See full cast and crew

David Burke (Jason Sudeikis) is a small-time pot dealer whose clientele includes chefs and soccer moms, but no kids-after all, he has his scruples. So what could go wrong? Plenty. Preferring to keep a low profile for obvious reasons, he learns the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished when he tries to help out some local teens and winds up getting jumped by a trio of gutter punks. Stealing his stash and his cash, they leave him in major debt to his supplier, Brad (Ed Helms). In order to wipe the slate clean-and maintain a clean bill of health-David must now become a big-time drug smuggler by bringing Brad's latest shipment in from Mexico. Twisting the arms of his neighbors, cynical stripper Rose (Jennifer Aniston) and wannabe customer Kenny (Will Poulter), and the tatted-and-pierced streetwise teen Casey (Emma Roberts), he devises a foolproof plan. One fake wife, two pretend kids and a huge, shiny RV later, the "Millers" are headed south of the border for a Fourth of July weekend that is sure to end with a bang. (c) WB

I reviewed this film against my better judgement after being told it was very funny from start to finish and not nearly as bad language-wise as one would expect.
True? NOT EVEN!
Below is the sanitized trailer followed by the RED BAND trailer.

If you are seriously planning on seeing this film you should watch the RED BAND trailer before you decide to waste your money.

This is a vile, almost humorless film that makes its living maligning societal values, justice, virtue, fairness, family, religious faith, honesty, fidelity, integrity, virginity.

Jennifer Aniston must be going through her Julie Andrews' breast baring phase...I must shed once and for any and all vestiges of a goodie goodie reputation that might be lingering in the shadows. Jason Sudeikis, what can be said, this is about what you would expect from an SNL grad. Emma Roberts, her dad Eric Roberts and aunt Julia Roberts must be so proud of her trashy performance (I jest but sadly, in actuallity, they probably are.)

The only glimmer of humor in this film comes from the 'family member' with the lowest billing, the 'son', the dork, the virgin (which is of course a negative quality, a indication of his stupidity, a flaw that must be eliminated), Will Poulter, a young British actor whom plays 'American' as flawlessly as Colin Farrell. His performance alone is enough to spare me giving the film an 'F' Grade. This movie is however, a far cry from his his performances as "Lee Carter" in Son of Rambow and "Eustace Scrubb" in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Sure there were a couple of chuckles, there are some chuckles in the American Pie and The Hangover movies too, but is that all you get from being dragged through the gutter for an hour and 50 minuets? The film and its attempts at humor are so foul that it renders the jokes predictable and offensive rather than funny.

The characters are stereotypes and shallow, the punchlines so obvious because it's the only way that a dirty joke can end. Director, Rawson Marshall Thurber makes his appearance, like a Hitchcock wanna be, as The Ultimate Border Guard and what can we say about the writing teams of Bob Fisher, Steve Faber, Sean Anders, John Morris, who have in the past brought us such highbrow gems as Wedding Crashers (2005), Sex Drive (2008), Hot Tub Time Machine (2010) and Mr. Popper's Penguins (2011)