Aylmer to Zazzoo and Beyond: Battleship

Monday, May 28, 2012

Battleship - Review

Battleship

PG 13

Runtime: 131 min.

Rating: C-

Director: Peter Berg

Writers:

Stars:

A fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of alien origins or lest the world fall prey to a global takeover and the end of mankind.

Based on the Hasbro board game (although you will be hard pressed to find the connection except for the title 'Battleship").

The Plot

In 2005, NASA discovers an extrasolar planet with conditions similar to Earth. On the chance that it contains intelligent life, NASA transmits a powerful signal from a communications array in Hawaii, which will be boosted by a satellite in orbit. Around the same time, the talented but undisciplined slacker Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) attempts to impress a woman by getting her a chicken burrito, the result of which sees Alex breaking into a convenience store and being tasered by the police. She, Samantha Shane (Brooklyn Decker) is the daughter of Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson), who is the superior of Commander Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgard), Aex's older brother. Tired of Alex's lack of motivation and fear of losing his own career, Stone forces him to join the United States Navy.

By 2012, slacker Alex is a lieutenant and the Tactical Action Officer aboard the Arleigh Burke class flight I destroyer USS John Paul Jones, while Stone is the commanding officer of USS Sampson. Alex is also in a committed relationship with Samantha and wants to marry her, but is afraid to ask her father for permission. During the opening ceremony for the RIMPAC naval exercises, Alex brawls with Japanese officer Captain Nagata (Tadanobu Asano), the latest in a string of incidents that could result in his discharge at the end of RIMPAC.

Samantha, a physical therapist, accompanies retired Army veteran and amputee Mick Canales (Gregory D. Gadson) on a hike on Oahu to help him adapt to his prosthetic legs. Meanwhile, five alien ships arrive in response to the NASA signal. One ship collides with an orbital satellite and crashes in Hong Kong, the four others land in the water near Hawaii. Sampson, John Paul Jones, and the Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force Kongo class destroyer Myōkō investigate, but are trapped when one of the ships erects an impenetrable force field around the Hawaiian islands. The destroyers attempt to establish contact, but the aliens open fire in response to a warning shot fired by the American destroyers: Sampson and Myōkō are destroyed, killing Stone. John Paul Jones is damaged with the commanding and executive officers killed. Initially attached to Sampson, Alex, who was one of the few out to take a closer look at the alien vessels, now boards John Paul Jones and takes command as the most senior officer left on the ship. Although initially wanting to attack the alien ships in retaliation for his brother's death, Alex is convinced to break off and recover survivors from Myōkō, with Captain Nagata among them. This act prompts the aliens to call off another attack. Since the barrier prevents the use of radar and sonar, Nagata reveals that they can use tsunami warning buoys around Hawaii to track the alien vessels' movements.

During a night-time battle, the aliens and the humans exchange pot shots, with the John Paul Jones sinking two alien ships but unable to lock onto the third. An alien soldier is recovered from the water; from the brief contact with the alien, the humans determine that the aliens are very sensitive to sunlight. Alex uses his ship to lure the alien vessel close to shore, where he and Nagata shoot out its bridge windows at sunrise, then proceed to fire at the alien vessel full force. Both ships are destroyed in the ensuing battle.

Because the ship that crashed in Hong Kong was their communications ship, the aliens take over the NASA array and begin modifying it to signal their home planet. Samantha and Mick avoid detection and run into a fleeing NASA scientist. Believing that a larger invasion might be imminent, the scientist acquires a radio which Samantha uses to warn Alex. He had planned to destroy the array with his ship, but since John Paul Jones has been destroyed, the survivors are forced to return to base and acquire the only available naval vessel, the USS Missouri. Although a museum ship, Alex and his crew are able to reactivate Missouri with the aid of the retired veterans preserving her. The battleship engages the alien ship and destroys its barrier but ends up with only one high-explosive shell remaining. Alex uses it to fire on the array, but before the defenseless Missouri can be attacked one more time, fighters from the RIMPAC fleet (which scrambled to attack as soon as the barrier fell) arrive and eliminate the alien ship. The NASA array explodes, destroying the aliens and their equipment.

Back on shore, the naval personnel, along with Mick, are honored for their actions in defeating the aliens. After the ceremony, Alex asks Admiral Shane for his daughter's hand in marriage; the admiral refuses, but invites him to talk about the matter.

In a post-credits scene set in rural Scotland, three school children and a handyman break open a car-sized object that has apparently fallen from the sky. They run off in terror after seeing an alien hand reach out and grab the opening.

The PROS:

Really and truly, not much. The visual effects, maybe. If the Transformers series was too intellectually challenging, Battleship may be for you. Kitsch gets to show off his macho mettle against a hostile alien invasion the centerpiece of the film and provides a background for elaborate visual effects and plenty of loud, fiery explosions. That may be enough to please undiscriminating action fans, but it's asking a lot to compensate for all the dumb dialogue and sophomoric predictable plot.

The CONS:

Really and truly, almost everything. It takes forever to get started. I was checking my watch 10 minuets into it. The 131 minute run time felt more like 231. The script is an exercise in cliché. The screenplay is cheesy, the characters are cardboard and unbelievable. It can't decide what type of movie it wants to be, Romance, Si-Fi, Patriotic War Epic, Racial Equality and Women's Rights...blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! At times it felt like I was sitting through an old Soviet Socialist Glorious Government Workers Equality propaganda epic.

They try to throw in some sort of homage to every group they can possibly think of, like an attempt to make you feel guilty it you knock the film. Tedious and annoying. Despite all the main the characters being played by 'beautiful people' they are also all distinctly one-dimensional. Even the tough military veteran who’s lost his legs, and his will to live (played by real-life amputee Gregory D. Gadson), was turned into a living cliché. Saying it could have been worse isn't much of a compliment.