Aylmer to Zazzoo and Beyond: The Last Stand

The Last Stand
(2013- January 18)
Action | Crime | Thriller
1 hr. 47 min.

Rated: R Strong Bloody Violence and Language | Read more
Grade: C

Director: Jee-woon Kim
Writers: Andrew Knauer (screenplay), Jeffrey Nachmanoff (rewrite), George Nolfi (writing supervisor) and Andrew Knauer (story)
Stars: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Forest Whitaker and Johnny Knoxville | See full cast and crew

After leaving his LAPD narcotics post following a bungled operation that left him wracked with remorse and regret, Sheriff Ray Owens (Schwarzenegger) moved out of Los Angeles and settled into a life fighting what little crime takes place in sleepy border town Sommerton Junction. But that peaceful existence is shattered when Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega), the most notorious, wanted drug kingpin in the western hemisphere, makes a deadly yet spectacular escape from an FBI prisoner convoy. With the help of a fierce band of lawless mercenaries led by the icy Burrell (Peter Stormare), Cortez begins racing towards the US-Mexico border at 250 mph in a specially-outfitted Corvette ZR1 with a hostage in tow. Cortez’ path: straight through Summerton Junction, where the whole of the U.S. law enforcement, including Agent John Bannister (Forest Whitaker) will have their final opportunity to intercept him before the violent fugitive slips across the border forever.

This is a post Governator comeback flick and is about what you would expect. Set your expectations on low and you should be just fine.

Cars go fast, guns go boom, things blow up real good (that includes bad guys..."yep, he blowed up reeeeal good."). Arnold deliver a few good quips, Johnny Knoxville will play a 'jackass' (quite a stretch), and things turn out about how you'd expect. Now don't forget that the folks in Hollywood, they being very religious, are on a proselytizing mission. So, according to the Hollywood bible there must be some strategically placed F-words or the earth will stop spinning, must be violent males (but "woman hear her roar", she can be just as good/bad as a man, "anything you can do I can do better"), heartless killers, lots of bloody gun deaths (but remember, this has absolutely no effect whatsoever on children, adolescent or TEENAGE boys so as a responsible parent of guardian you can take the whole family, forget about the meaningless R rating), lots of car chases, the requisite corrupt cop(s) and mountains of destroyed cop cars. Yep! It's pretty much what you would expect.

So, this Sabbath, be it Thursday, Saturday or 'Sinday', grab yer bibles, yer pray shawls, and prayer rugs and come on down to your local temple of cinematic worship and pray together some Hollywood style--diversified--prayers for the continued decline of western (a.k.a. Christian) civilization. CAN I GET AN AMEN!